By: Carrie Stevens

Communication Skills

In one of my favorite books, “Why Men Love Bitches,” author Sherry Argov makes the assertion that men do not respond to words, they respond to no contact.  A child is no different. For example, in making “Children Mind Without Losing Yours” best-selling author Dr. Kevin Leman suggests isolation methods for out of control kids.  These methods can range from ignoring your tantrum-throwing tot, to actually removing your child from the premises until calm and reason are restored. If only we could send our spouse to the cold and lonely garage, or more appropriately, to the dog-house in the backyard until he comes to his senses!  

Big babies require a lot of patience because there is no way to communicate with them before they are ready.  They have a difficult time relating in a humane way when they are trying to process emotions at the same time.  Whether you have to ignore your child, or give your guy the silent treatment, the message is the same:  “You can behave this way if you want to, but you will not use it to get my attention.  You will not get a piece of Mommy!”  

Soon, your big baby will be ready to communicate with you on your terms. Why?  Because they want what they can’t have!

A good rule for communicating with big babies, is keep it simple.  Be direct.  Say only exactly what you mean. Whatever you do, do not get emotional.  Center yourself. If your emotions escalate so will those of the big baby and you will wind up back at square one.  

They key to all communication is actually listening.  I highly recommend learning a listening based technique of self-expression, and hearing others called NVC.  The book that teaches NVC is called “Non-Violent Communication.” Marshall B. Rosenberg, the author, shows examples, applying the same techniques on angry male Moslem Palestinian refugees as he does on kids in American special-ed elementary school classrooms!  It is all about compassion, something women are equally as inclined to be naturals at, as we are at being manipulative.