Dear Friends Without Children,
I know you have some concerns, and I want to address them. I can tell things have changed between us. You don’t look at me the same way. It doesn’t have to be this way.
We don’t need to break up just because I have kids now.
I am still fun, trust me. Just because I drive a car with three car seats in the back row and the only bottles in my house are filled with formula it doesn’t mean I’ve become a total loser.
Believe it or not I actually like to get out of the house. I understand my recent wardrobe and lack of attention to my hair would lead you to a different conclusion, but I can take it up a notch if given the opportunity to have someone else dry my hair and apply my makeup. In fact I am assuming based on your Facebook and Instagram feeds you like to go out regularly. Why don’t you let me tag along for old times sake?
You want to have fun? I’ll take you for a spin on the fun train. Just know that it will be a three hour ride and I might have to take a phone call at some point in the evening so I can make sure my house isn’t on fire and the kids are alive. Other than that we are good to go. I am going to maximize the three hours we are together.
Those single friends will drag you out all night long. Not me. You can be home before the 11 o’clock news.
You know what else?
- I won’t nurse my drink. The clock is ticking so let’s just order two rounds so we don’t waste any time.
- Unlike your other friends I want to hear all about your sordid dating life. Every single glorious detail.
- I might not be up to date on dance moves, but I will get down.
- There’s no competition. We both know that dude at the bar has no interest in a woman with one leaky boob and two kids in preschool.
I am your ideal wingman. I look at it sales and will not rest until I close the deal for you. (Unless, of course, I’ve got to get back to pay the babysitter).
All I ask in return is for you to look at one picture of my children and tell me they are adorable.
So where are we going Friday?