Tips for Expectant Fathers, From An Expectant Father How To Work The Delivery Room Door Like A Bouncer At “Club Push”

Amid the ultrasound scans, bizarre food cravings and baby shower gifts is often a confused and overwhelmed expectant dad. What better way to prepare men for impending fatherhood than by giving them a step-by-step guide with advice, tips and stories ranging from the positive pregnancy test to the delivery room?

Dad’s Pregnant Too! is packed with more than 100 tips for soon-to-be-dads and here are a few:

Tip #15 THE IN-AWE EXPECTANT FATHER: Words Can’t Describe It (But I’ll Try)

THE TIP: It’s a feeling like nothing you’ve ever experienced before.

THE STORY: Seeing the baby come out of my wife was surreal and mind-numbing. The image was too much for me to comprehend—it was sensory overload. It wasn’t until a few hours after the birth, when everyone had been taken care of, that I had a chance to hold my daughter. My wife was sleeping, and we were alone. That’s when the switch was flipped. It was a feeling I had never experienced before. I was awestruck by the pregnancy, by the birth, and by the delivery. But the love a father feels for his child blew me away. It’s a feeling that never goes away. —Me, daughter 22 months, 21 weeks pregnant

We had a C-section, and I got to spend time with Jack before Emily did; it’s not how I wished it. He opened his eyes and he looked at me, and I said, “Hi Jack.” And he looked at me like he knew that was his name. It was the most magical moment. —Jeff (son 9 months)

I thought of including a blank page for this tip because there are no words to describe the feeling of going through the expectant father experience. But a book with blank pages isn’t a good book. So, here’s my best attempt.

Being an expectant father will leave you in awe. It will excite, exhaust, intimidate, embarrass, intrigue, surprise, scare, shock, and delight you all at once. The adventure will stir untapped emotions. It will leave you feeling something you’ve never felt or experienced before.

It’s as if there’s something programmed into our DNA that’s activated during this process. And when the switch is flipped and it happens, the world will change forever. It’s an emotional state so powerful and all-consuming that there are no words for it.

Don’t worry about not feeling it right away. It will happen, but when it happens will vary. It could be immediately after the birth, or an hour, a day, a week, or a few months later—but it will happen. It’s not something you need to force. No matter the heaviness or happiness of the moments leading up to the birth, it will all be worth it. The adrenaline rush of fatherhood is better than any drug—once the initial surge

It’s like a Darwinian switch flipped in my brain. I went from reluctant father to head-over-heels committed dad in a heartbeat. —Eric (daughter 15 months)

I was in awe when I saw the ultrasound of our baby and the heartbeat—that is when I knew it was for real. —Kevin (18 weeks pregnant) subsides, the feeling lingers forever. It’s what bonds us to the baby.

From conception to coming home, the whole journey is exhilarating, exhausting, and awe-inspiring. It’s something you’ll probably want to do again and again. And while you might in fact do it again and again, savor the first time—the first is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Enjoy the adventure ahead.

THE BOTTOM LINE: You won’t believe what you see, hear, and feel.

Tip #54 THE PUSH/PREGNANCY PRESENT: A Little Something to Ease Her Pain

THE TIP: It doesn’t have to be diamonds…

THE STORY: The day I turned 20 weeks pregnant I got home after a long day and found a package and card on the table with “mommy” written on it. It was a card from my hubby and baby celebrating the fact that we are halfway through the pregnancy. The present was a wooden Willow Tree figurine called “Cherish,” which is a pregnant mommy holding her tummy. Then, yesterday, out of nowhere, Daddy and baby sent me a cookie bouquet (my favorite!)—six beautiful cookies celebrating that “It’s a girl!” One of the cookies had Elizabeth’s nickname on it, Ellie. I pretty much have the most amazing husband ever!  —Valerie, daughter 1 month

A Push Present is a gift given to your partner following the birth. The idea of buying a new mom a special gift once she pushes the baby out isn’t just made up by her. It has roots. In Europe, it’s customary for women to get a gift following the birth of a child. In England, men are expected to adorn women with a beautiful ring. In India, mothers get gold and jewels for the birth. In the United States, jewelers and women who want jewelry are turning this into a new giftgiving tradition. Some guys aren’t into the idea of a push present. It’s not that these guys are cheap (although some might be). They say there is no greater gift than the gift of having a healthy new child, and a material thing like jewelry almost minimizes the magnitude of the event. The baby is the ultimate “push present.” So, if you share this sentiment, there’s nothing wrong with calling the gift something else. How about just calling it her first Mother’s Day present and picking it out after the baby is born? Call it a gift from the baby and make the baby pay you back when she’s old enough to work.

Whatever you subscribe to, I have a hard time finding anything wrong with getting someone you love a gift that’s associated with such a special event. That said, if you have a philosophical issue with the push present, explain this to your partner—just in case all her friends give her gifts, there won’t be room for any misinterpretation.

If only my man had known how painful it is to push a baby out of your vagina! He may have given me a push present!  —Carin (mother of one)

I got a “pushing present”/thirtieth birthday gift. I helped pick it out—a beautiful diamond necklace —Heidi (mother of one, pregnant with #2) The best gift a man can get his wife? SLEEP!!! —Misti (daughter 2 years)

PUSH PRESENTS UNDER $100:

• Baby charm necklaces or bracelets

• Personalized sterling silver birth necklace

• Engraved picture frame with a picture of her and her pregnant belly

• Necklace, bracelet, or earrings with the baby’s birthstone

• Sleep

ENAMEL ENGRAVED BABY SHOE CHARMS: These range from the low hundreds to thousand of dollars. Do an online search for “enamel baby shoes” and you’ll get a good sense of what I’m talking about. If you happen to buy online, make sure to read the return policy. She might love the idea, but not the gift.

ENGRAVED GIFTS: If you’re buying something expensive but are not quite sure if she’ll love it, wait until she sees it, and then engrave it. When you give it to her, tell her you wanted to wait for the birth so you could engrave the date. Once you engrave it there is typically no returning it.

A way to economize is to combine the push present with some other gift-giving occasion. It gives a “big gift” much more meaning. You can make it a surprise, or plan it as a couple’s project during the last trimester. Keep in mind that shopping for jewelry allows you to say and do things you can’t usually say or do. She might be too happy and distracted to be pissed off with you. When it comes to how much to spend—you can spend less than $100 or more than $1,000. Take baby bootie charms for example (charms are little pendants attached to a necklace or bracelet—think Monopoly pieces).

Some charms cost under a hundred dollars; other charms may cost you in the thousands. One of the coolest things I’ve seen are little silver coin-like disks that have the baby’s name engraved on them. The charms attach to a necklace/ bracelet, and you can add more charms as you have more kids. If you’re on a tight budget, go to a bead store with her and make something together. You can also find birthstones that are extremely reasonable. If you’re not sure what to get, call a maternity store and ask for advice from the manager or owner. (They might even sell something that will work.)

By: Harlan Cohen:  Harlan is a bestselling author, syndicated advice columnist, speaker and singer/songwriter.  He is an expectant father and new dad. For more information, visit: dadspregnant.com

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Finding the “Me” in Motherhood

By Elizabeth Hurchalla

Finding the “Me” in motherhood! Whether you’re a mom or not, at some point you’ve likely put yourself on the back burner while turning your attention to the needs of those around you. But moms know this feeling better than anyone: With kids, life isn’t only about you anymore. That can be an amazing thing, but if you’re losing yourself in the process of raising a family, it’s time to refocus.

“Women tend to slowly give up more and more of themselves to accommodate their family’s needs,” says Tiffany Howsam, a Los Angeles-based family therapist who specializes in postpartum depression and anxiety. “They think that’s what they’re supposed to do.” Over time, you get so used to focusing on your children that every decision — from what’s for dinner to your next vacation — becomes about pleasing others.

Fortunately, you can take care of your family without losing sight of who you are, says Howsam. Here’s how to find a balance:

1. Take a step back.

Look at your situation from the outside. Are you treating yourself with the same TLC that you devote to your family? If you feel resentful because of your never-ending to-do list, or if you’re always exhausted or can’t remember the last time you did something just for you, you might be spending too much energy on others and not enough on yourself, says Howsam.

2. Set limits.
To be a supermom, you don’t have to be Supermom. “Women want to do it all perfectly,” notes Howsam. But if you volunteer with the PTA, put in a full day’s work, shuttle your kids to karate lessons, coach soccer and whip up a gourmet three-course family dinner every day, there’s no time left for you. So cut yourself some slack! The next time you consider taking on an activity, think about what you have to give up to do it. If you feel uneasy or you get overwhelmed, just say no.

3. Schedule time to do what you love.
Maintaining a sense of self requires at least a few hours each week of actually doing something just for you, says Howsam. “Think about the things you enjoyed before you had kids,” she suggests. “Or explore something you’ve always wanted to try, whether it’s gardening, reading a new book, getting a pedicure, going to a dance class or having coffee with a friend.” Plan your activity ahead of time and write it (in ink!) in your day planner so you’re more likely to stick to it.

4. Treasure the little things.
Doing something for yourself doesn’t always have to be a grand gesture: Creating special moments for yourself each day works too. Try picking three things that feel restorative to you and do them daily, suggests Howsam. Maybe it’s drinking tea in your favorite mug, taking five minutes of quiet alone time each morning or listening to your favorite music in the car rather than Barney’s greatest hits. Even just a minute of “you time” is better than nothing.

5. Lose the guilt.
When you say no or do things for yourself, you’re not being selfish, maintains Howsam. “You’re watching out for your own mental health, which includes taking time to recharge,” she says. You’re also setting a good example for your children and partner by letting them know you’re important too. And by taking time for yourself, you become a more engaged caregiver, which leads to a happy, well-adjusted family.

Elizabeth Hurchalla
is a freelance writer who has contributed to
Cosmopolitan,
InStyle and many other publications.
She has previously contributed to
Life & Beauty Weekly.

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Teaching Kids to Stop the Spread of Germs

By Elizabeth Brownfield

Teaching kids to stop the spread of germs. If it seems as if your kids are always picking up germs and getting sick, it’s not your imagination. With developing immune systems, packed classrooms and a tendency to taste and touch with abandon, kids are much more likely than adults to catch and spread germs, says Dr. William Sears, a pediatrician and associate clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of California, Irvine.

But you can teach kids habits to help them avoid and contain germs so they — and the rest of your family — stay healthy. And the earlier you start, the better, says Betsy Brown Braun, a parenting expert and author of Just Tell Me What to Say. Try these tricks for teaching little ones to stay germ-free. With practice, the habits will become as ingrained as saying please and thank you.

1. Lead by example.
The most important habit to teach kids: Wash hands often. Wash them before eating, after returning home, after using the bathroom or blowing their nose. And if they accidentally cough or sneeze into their hands (instead of into their sleeve), teach them to wash hands right away.

As you might expect, the best way to drive home the message is by demonstrating these good habits yourself. Wash your hands at these times too — every time.

“The magic is modeling the behavior,” says Dr. John Mayer, a clinical psychologist and author of Family Fit. Children learn more by watching than any other way.

Accompany your behavior with a verbal cue: “We wash our hands every time after using the bathroom” or “We wash our hands every time before we eat.” Kids will start remembering even when you’re not around.

2. Sing a song.
Getting kids to wash their hands for a full 20 seconds is just as important as having them wash in the first place. “Kids usually stick their hands under water for a split second, which doesn’t kill any germs,” says Mayer. But give them a fun way to measure time, and they’ll stick it out longer.

Singing the happy birthday song twice or saying the ABCs takes about 20 seconds. Practice with your child when washing hands together. Over time, your child will start singing and scrubbing to the end of the song on her own.

3. Play a game.
When kids cough or sneeze into the air, on their hands — or worse, on their friends — germs spread easily. To teach them to aim into their sleeve, create a game out of it.

“Tell them they have a ‘germ catcher’ in the crook of their arm, and when they aim there, they catch and trap the germs,” suggests Braun. It may take a little time but remind them about the game every time, and the habit will eventually stick.

4. Add a cool factor.
Since one of the ways germs are transmitted is through hand-to-hand contact, talk to your child about not giving high fives on the sports field. Instead, help him come up with a unique greeting he thinks is cool.

Mayer, for example, gives his patients a fist bump. When you pick up your child from practice, use his greeting to encourage its use. (Unless, of course, he’s at the age when everything mom does is just not cool.)

5. Use a visual aid.
It’s smart for your child to keep a distance from kids who are constantly coughing or wiping a runny nose, says Sears. Likewise, if your kid sees a pal sneeze or cough on a toy or a ball, he should choose a different object to play with.

Since kids tend to be visual learners, use a water-filled spray bottle to simulate how far coughs and sneezes can reach while explaining how germs are spread. “Tell them that everyone has water in their body that contains germs,” says Braun. “Be clear that it’s normal — you don’t want to create a germophobe — but explain that it’s best if everyone keeps their germs to themselves.”

6. Make food shareable.
You teach kids to share, but the lesson backfires when it comes to passing germs via swapped bites. Do your part by cutting apples into slices and sandwiches into quarters when making lunches. Even throw in an extra spoon for pudding. Then, tell your child that if he wants to share with a buddy, each boy gets his own portion.

7. Praise good behavior.
When you catch your kid practicing a healthy habit, tell her how proud you are. “Kids want to please you, so heap on the praise and they’ll keep doing it,” says Braun.

Also, try offering an incentive. Give her a sticker every time she sneezes into her sleeve or washes her hands unprompted. “Once she gets a certain number of stickers, do something special, like visiting the aquarium,” suggests Braun.

By consistently practicing good habits at home, your kids will take them everywhere, including into adulthood. “It’s the seat belt effect,” says Braun. Once your child does these habits enough, they become as automatic as buckling in. And that means you spend less time playing nurse!

Elizabeth Brownfield has been on the editorial staffs of Metropolitan Home, Domino, Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, and Every Day with Rachael Ray. She is also a writer for TastingTable.com.
She is a frequent contributor to
Life & Beauty Weekly.

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