Comedian Stephanie Blum reminds us about life….

Sep 30, 2009 at 11:28 pm |
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Before and After Kids

Before Kids-You spend your time engaged in intellectually stimulating conversations
with your colleagues.

After Kids-Conversation? What’s that? Nowadays, you spend your time trying to persuade your child to stop picking his nose in public.

Before Kids-You slip lipstick and a credit card into a sleek handbag on your way out to the mall.

After Kids-You stuff diapers, wipes, animal crackers, sippy cups, band-aids, coloring books, crayons, Thomas the Tank Engine, and a bottle of aspirin into your diaper bag on your way out to the playground.

Before Kids-The kitchen floor is so clean you can eat off it.

After Kids-You can eat off the kitchen floor because there’s food all over it.

Before Kids-You and your husband consistently enjoy hot sex.

After Kids-You and your husband occasionally enjoy a hot meal.

Before Kids-You coordinate the perfect outfit to wear for a night out dancing.

After Kids-You grab something out of the laundry basket and pray that no one at the puppet show will notice the breast milk stain.

Before Kids-You save money to treat yourself to a Kate Spade handbag.

After Kids– You save money to treat your son to a Spongebob backpack.

Before Kids-You dine on low calorie, low-fat lunches at trendy new restaurants.

After Kids-You wolf down someone’s leftover pizza and cake at a Chuck E. Cheese’s.

Before Kids-You can easily finish a great book.

After Kids-You’re barely able to finish a simple thought.

Before Kids– Your idea of bliss is being with the love of your life.

After Kids– Your idea of bliss is tucking the love (or loves) of your life into bed each night.

Before and After Kids Before Kids-You spend your time engaged in intellectually stimulating conversations with your colleagues. After Kids-Conversation? What’s that? Nowadays, you spend your time trying to persuade your child to stop picking his nose in public. Before Kids-You slip lipstick and a credit card into a sleek handbag on your way out to […]