By: Mary K. Moore
The Unexpected When You’re Expecting. Talking with Mary K. Moore is like chatting with your best girlfriend, she is that friend everyone wants to have and now she has done what all of us secretly wish we had written, the parody of the infamous What to Expect When You are Expecting. When asked if she got any backlash from the ‘What to Expect’ camp, she said she hadn’t heard any yet, but assured the book was less about poking fun of that baby staple rather, she used it as the format for her brand of humor (witty, sarcastic and laugh out loud funny). We asked if she was getting any backlash, and she said there was some, she said that was to be expected, but she reminds, “it’s a PARODY, it’s supposed to be over the top, you have to have a sense of humor, especially when you are pregnant.” Moore sent samples to her husband and his friends to read to see if it was really ‘funny’, not just funny to her or moms who were ‘in on the joke’, but universally funny, and their feedback was great. She knew she was on to something big.
After 10 years as an editor and writer for New York publications including Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, Glamour, Self, Newsweek and others, Moore settled in Austin Texas with her husband, and now 3 year old Scarlet, she boasts that she is secretly in love with Motherhood and writing this books was the ideal way to fuse two of her great loves, writing and motherhood. When asked how long it took to write the book, Moore said, “4 months, 4 long months of getting up at 3 in morning and committing to writing for hours each day.” Moore adds, “Women, mothers, we can have it all, just not at the same time, we have to decide what we are going to sacrifice and when. When I decided I wanted to write this book, my sacrifice was sleep.”
Below is an excerpt from one of our favorite chapters. If you are pregnant, Waddle out to the closest book store and grab this book or click here , if your not pregnant order it for all 47 of your pregnant friends and we promise you will be a hit at the next baby shower!
The Baby Shower: “It’s Adorable…Do You Still Have the Receipt?”
If you’ve ever used the term “Aunt Flo” for your period or if you own a festive
holiday sweater, chances are the baby shower will be one big orgasm for you and your kind. For the rest, it will be just another uncomfortable rite of pregnancy along with hemorrhoids and chapped nipples. Here are some pointers to help you fake it while amongst the pink and blue believers.
Gifts: The Art of Not Acting Disappointed
What you can expect to get at a baby shower? Weeks before, you will have probably entered the exciting realm of the baby registry. This is a ritual that allows you to hand pick and fondle all the gifts you hope to receive but won’t. More specifically, it is the place where hope dies. That’s because everyone has their idea of what’s best for baby and in most cases, it’s got Winnie-the-Pooh written all over it. That swing you ordered? Surprise! It’s a clown lamp! The designer “Pack N’ Play” you’ve been lusting after? Meet “Stow’ n’ Sleep,” its cheap and evil cousin—likely from your cheap and evil cousin.
The shower’s torturous hybrid: The Office Shower
There’s nothing like hosting an event at your workplace that forces your colleagues to acknowledge your vagina: think pap smear and annual review combined. Decorations will consist at whatever was available at the local Rite-Aid—so don’t be surprised if future baby gets christened with “Luck O’ The Irish” or “A Very Hoppy Easter” well into the fall. This party will result in your worst gifts yet. If the attendees even know your last name, they certainly haven’t glanced at the registry, most just unwittingly lured into the conference room by the smell of food. Don’t be surprised if baby gets that paper clip mobile or handy eraser teether you’ve been dreaming about. And it goes downhill from there. Specifically, the only thing more humiliating than stepping into the office elevator carrying a diaper cake will be toting that medieval-looking device known as a breast pump in the months ahead. Say, what is that? asks Ron from accounting. Doors close.
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