The minute you begin trying to conceive, something bizarre happens: Every other (female) celebrity on the planet suddenly is spotted shopping for a $3,000 retro-style British pram. It’s true. As I’m patiently waiting for each period not to appear, I am bombarded with images of delicately swelling icons. Almost simultaneously, Gwyneth, Sarah Jessica, Brooke, Julie, Angelina, Britney, Courtney, Reese, and the Kates (Hudson and Winslet) are in the family way. Six-pack abs are out and burgeoning bellies are in! Rotund tummies are the new Birkin bag and mine’s on backorder.
At first, you might feel a special kinship with these women, but then you realize that’s an absurd notion. Why?
Because these women are not actually human, so comparing your pregnancy to theirs is like bank account or botox-free brown line to theirs. When you are twelve weeks pregnant and you look like John Goodman, it does nothing for your already fragile ego to see photos of Prada-clad kabillionaires with popsicle-stick bodies who are twice as far along as you are.
Here’s what we all need to remember: Celebrities have a team of overpriced personal trainers and live0in chefs monitoring their every move and morsel to make sure they gain exactly the least of amount of “healthy” baby weight as possible.