There’s nothing like hosting an event at your workplace that forces your colleagues to acknowledge your vagina: think pap smear and annual review combined. Decorations will consist at whatever was available at the local Rite-Aid—so don’t be surprised if future baby gets christened with “Luck O’ The Irish” or “A Very Hoppy Easter” well into the fall. This party will result in your worst gifts yet. If the attendees even know your last name, they certainly haven’t glanced at the registry, most just unwittingly lured into the conference room by the smell of food. Don’t be surprised if baby gets that paper clip mobile or handy eraser teether you’ve been dreaming about. And it goes downhill from there. Specifically, the only thing more humiliating than stepping into the office elevator carrying a diaper cake will be toting that medieval-looking device known as a breast pump in the months ahead. Say, what is that? asks Ron from accounting. Doors close.
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