Unmarried…With Children

By: Brette Sember

The world around us is changing and that is obvious when so many couples are opting not to get married and have children. According to the latest statistics by the U.S. Census Bureau, the trend is on the rise for couples to stay together, but not marry and have children.  In addition, with the increase of same-sex partners having children, both biological and adopting, this can raise all sorts of questions. Some of these need to be answered as soon as the couple decides to bring children into their relationship.

But where to look?

Brette Sember, former family law attorney and mother, offers a wealth of information in her new book Unmarried with Children. She sat down with HMC to give insight on what parents should know about their legal rights when it comes to their children and custody.

Your most recent book “Unmarried with Children” has incredible information. Tell me what was the catalyst for you to write this?

In my former life, I was a family law attorney. The number of unmarried families that go through Family Court is huge. It was clear to me this was a huge section of population that is virtually being ignored by parenting magazines, sites, and self-help books. I wanted to provide some information for these families and let them know they are not ignored.

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Hot Moms Club was founded in 2005 and have had their fingers on the pulse of mom trends ever since. Their philosophy is simple, ‘You are not the best mom unless you are the BEST YOU!’

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1 thought on “Unmarried…With Children”

  1. One thing for SURE is the man will always get screwed over in terms of custody because how much custody the mother has relates to how much CS they get. Once a breakup occurs on either end the mother will aim for sole custody and suddenly, after the break up the father will become “unstable” and “unfit” to parent and custody usually 95% of the time defaults to the mother regardless of her ability to care for the material needs of a child. They’ll give a “homeless” mother custody and then force the father to support them “both” via a high child support order. Also, states get matched dollar for dollar from the federal government when it comes to taking in CS; CA takes CS at the rate of 50% of the NCP’s pay, up to 65% if the NCP (the parent without the child) is single. An amazing racket going on. The child could be in school all day, but the courts won’t force the mother to get a job. Both created the child–both should EQUALLY be responsible financially for the child.

    My advice–get a DNA test before you submit to parentage. You might be happy as a clam the day your GF delivers your child, but 5 years down the road accepting parentage without a DNA could be life-ending. States rules vary, but in CA you sign the declaration of paternity (non-married couples) you only have 30 days to take it back and only 2 years to fight it–after that you’re screwed if she fesses up that it’s not your kid. The courts will also ONLY accept DNA tests that are court-ordered by them, but they don’t hand out court-ordered DNA tests like candy. You essentially have to force your way through the system, and even then they can deny it. The father has no “rights”, but the mother can terminate any and all rights to a child if she so pleases, “just because”. The government will also dole out free housing, benefits, reduced childcare, healthcare to the single mother over a father.

    Children are cash cows for single mothers and the state. Wrap it before you tap it, if you’re married make sure to “hide” a stash of money that can’t be traced by SSN if you feel your marriage heading south and you have children. Everything YOU have to your name will be put up as assets when it comes to CS, but the courts do not hold mothers to the same standards. If you get re-married don’t let her work-some states count your new spouses’s income as combined marital assets and if the single mother finds out she can request a raise in support, BUT BUT if she remarries they won’t count HER new spouses’ income.

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